I created this small webpage to present my two Yahoo groups dealing with postnatal depression: Postnatal depression and PND family support. The first one is for women who suffer or has been suffering from this kind of depression. The second is for their husbands and relatives.The main purpose of founding these groups is my conviction that talking about PND is very important in the process of coping and dealing with it. It is so important because if woman thinks that her experience of PND is unique then she starts to feel even more unadequate; she tries to hide her feelings instead of understanding them;she makes efforts to fit some general idea of how she should look and behave as a mother which usually sucks her energy and obstructs her to resolve the problem.Even women who are lucky to get enough understanding from their partners or relatives, still need to talk to other women in order to share tips, to vent and learn to be honest with themselves.
It is important to know that although PND is some kind of psychological disorder and disbalance, yet it is not an illness in the common sense of the word. Rather, this is a continuous state of depression accompanied by sense of loss, lack of interest for oneself and/or family, lack of stimulating goals and lack of energy to cope with the new tasks of parenthood. In most of the cases it gets overcome with baby`s growth.
We all experience depressive moments in our life."Low moments" are exactly periods of diminuished energy and confusion when we need to reassert our life goals, to think over our deeds, values and place in the world.Like pain in the body,depression shows us that something is wrong, that something in us needs our attention.Depression is important part of inner development.The difference between common depressive states and PND is that in everyday`s life we can more easily gather our strength, take rest, make change while being a parent in the first months is a rather exhausting non-stop job,without "days off".The long-term tiredness, constant lack of enough sleep,narrowed possibilities of satisfying your own needs tend to make dealing with this kind of depression far more difficult.And yet, PND is also an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves, to check our motives, to find new stimulations, to discover new life dimensions.It is painful but also it teaches us that it is time to make a change.
The most important advice that a woman should know she must take care first for herself then for the child.This sounds a bit confusing but it`s true. A woman must know that if she is feeling well then her baby is going to be well too.If she constantly neglects her own needs she will not be able to answer her child`s needs.Below are some tips for coping.Of course they are easier to write than to perform but there isn`t a single thing in the world which doesn`t require an effort, constant check-up and...time.
- Try not to expect too much from yourself in the first months after delivery.
- Learn to ask for help every time when you feel you need it.
- Make everything possible to be able to go out alone, even for an hour.
- Don`t try to follow patterns of other women; you should find your own rythm and daily routine which suit you best.
- Do not expect to begin immediately to feel "motherly" towards your baby.Love is something which grows in time.
- Be sure that whatever great are the changes in your life, you will gradually be able to return to your usual routine after the first year.
- Don`t blame yourself for having parenting problems;
- Practise positive thinking and try to evaluate your efforts from the good side not from the bad.
- Don`t try to pretend everything is OK; remember you should be aware of your feelings in order to cope with them.
- Get as much rest as you can; don`t overload yourself; don`t take too many things to do in a day
- Learn to be patient
- Seek professional help immediately when you feel things are getting our of control
Disclaimer: This site is not a professional source of information about PND. In no way should its owner be held responsible.